Engagement!

So I know I have all but ignored this blog for a while now. I’ve not just gotten lazy. I have been writing some personal projects that people will probably never see and the blog has taken a backseat. But now I have a reason to come running back to writing in a medium others can read...
We are engaged!
Jackie and I have decided to get married. We are planning on setting the date for sometime next spring. That would be March, April or May of 2011. I love this woman, and spring sounds like an eternity away, but there are some practical considerations, like location, for us to figure out before we set a date. When we do I will let everyone know. So for the next year much of what you read on my blog, if you are unfortunate enough to be following it, will be about this task of planning a wedding. Hopefully I will still have a life and write about other things. A lot has happened in the past few months that I have not bothered writing about here. I probably won’t spend the time catching you up on all that. I am too excited about the future.

Video from my Knee Surgery

My Knee Surgery from Daren Howard on Vimeo.

Eating My Own Words on Civil Disobedience as Sacramento's Homeless are Evicted

Here's where I eat my own words on the issue of civil disobedience. My last post, which I wrote earlier today condemned those who participated in civil disobedience so that their voices would be heard on the bailouts. I maintain my previously stated opinion. I think it is wrong for people to stage dramatic demonstrations against our political leaders over tax policy. I feel this way because as a Christian I am called to not behave that way. I think it is wrong for non-Christians as well because it is immature and selfish.

Here's where I eat my words... The "residents" of Sacramento's tent city are being evicted. To me this is an injustice. These people have nowhere to go. Those who have already been removed have simply relocated and formed another tent city. The Mayor of Sacramento is initiating plans to expand the homeless services and shelters, but not before having the people forcibly removed. Those who remain are planning to participate in their own form of civil disobedience. And who are they led by? A religious leader. Her name is Sister Frenandez and she runs an organization that helps the homeless called Loaves and Fishes. She is Jesus' representative in this mess and while I know it is presumptuous to suggest that she is doing what Jesus would do, she is certainly doing what I would do. My hometown is about an hour away from Sacramento. This is clearly not my fight, I am still recovering from surgery and Pasadena to Sacramento is a long drive with a three foot brace on my leg, but I think if circumstances were different I would be there too. Still, assuming of course that these people want her help, she is their advocate and she is willing to be arrested for their cause.

So am I a hypocrite? Do I say one thing and do another? I ask that people would submit to political leaders, then when faced with the plight of the poor, I would do anything but submit. Maybe I am a hypocrite, but I think this is different. First of all let me say that the media and blogging community needs to stop pointing out the celebrity status of our political leaders. It does not disqualify them for leadership any more than it qualifies them for leadership. Secondly, I must admit that I do not know which fight is "right." It is possible that those who oppose the President's tax policies are right. He could be ruining the country by not listening to them. I simply do not know anything about these sorts of things. His policies are aimed at fixing this problem on a larger scale, but then so are the ideas of the Republican protestors. Sister Frenandez is not trying to fix the country. She just wants these people to have a safe and legal option. He fight is simpler. I understand it, and maybe that is the cause for my bias. Still, I said a few hours ago that Christians must do their best to be above civil disobedience, remaining humble and submissive. Now as this story presents itself to me, I feel compelled to civil disobedience on behalf of those who God loves, the poor and oppressed.

I do not envy the homeless, this nun, political leaders, or the police who have to remove these people whether they want to or not. Watch the story with me as it unfolds over the next few days. I am dealing with this as it is happening and I would invite you to deal with it with me.

In Response to the Recent "Tea Party" Protests

Recently, some republicans have been staging what they call "tea party" protests demanding lower taxes and less government spending. These protests seem to be an attempt at initiating a popular revolt against President Obama. You can read the LA Times article about it here.

The article basically says that while most Americans support the Presidents spending policies so far, people are more concerned with jobs than taxes. Despite this, the Republican demonstrators are protesting the recent bailouts and increased government spending. I will not pretend to know how to best fix the economy, but in my opinion it does not matter. As the economy falls apart we as individuals are responsible for our actions.

In America it is not only our right to protest bad leadership, it is our duty. American was founded by people who were revolting against their own government. This is the foundation for our country, but it is not necessarily the right way to respond to politicians we disagree with. At some of these recent protests the actions of the protesters have been peaceful, but some disturbing imagery has been used. At one event that was connected to these recent protests but was in opposition to Governor Schwarzenegger, a conservative opposed to his policies held a plastic sword that was piercing a hollow rubber Schwarzenegger head. The man said, "We need to punish him for what he's done." In my opinion Governor Schwarzenegger has been an embarrassment to California and has failed miserably at his duty as Governor. He needs our active support to fix the condition of the state, and in the places where he has failed he needs us to elect someone better. Our state needs us to elect someone better.

When your candidate does not win there is no sense in whining about it. Inciting rebellion and encouraging revolt over money is not the way to respond to leadership you disagree with. I happen to agree with President Obama's policies so far and I do not agree with Governor Schwazenegger's policies. My role as a Christian is to submit to their leadership and pray for them regardless of whether or not I agree with them. In Romans 13:1 Paul writes, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.” Paul is saying that everyone, and especially Christians, must submit to civil authorities because they are established by God. I am not suggesting that there are not exceptions to this rule, but I would point out that the rule for Christians is to submit.

Stereotypically the Republican party is often associated with American Christianity. I hope that those who are participating in these "Tea Parties" are Republicans, but not Christians. This is not the way Christians should respond to leadership they disagree with, especially when the concern is over money.

I am not sure where the line is to be drawn exactly for when a Christian can and cannot participate in civil disobedience. Was the resistance of the South African church during Apartheid acceptable in light of this passage? Would disobedience to Hitler in Nazi Germany have been appropriate? Was the passive resistance of Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. an acceptable action for a Christian leader? It seems to be that there is a delicate balance to being an American Christian, because in America we are encouraged to fight tyrannical leadership, but as Christians, we are called to submit in humility. For me the line will be drawn at issues of justice, not issues of the wallet. I may oppose leadership that justifies the suffering of the innocent, the denial of human rights or war, but I simply do not see any justification for this kind of behavior when the concern is taxes.

Of course this is quite un-American of me. American was founded by people who were fighting unfair taxes more than anything else. Tax policy is an important issue, but I do not think it is as important as our attitude towards our leaders. What do Christians want more, political power or to honor God with our actions? If you find yourself disagreeing with a politician, that is fine, but is the way you express your opinion honoring God or does it deny him? I find myself disagreeing with political leaders often enough, but I want to be loving and generous more than I want my voice to be heard. Do you think God is worried about our economy? I think God is worried about how we will respond to our economic situation.

The Vulnerability of the Operating Room

For those of you that don't know I had knee surgery on Monday. They replaced my ACL. I am recovering fine. Just a little bit of pain and discomfort, but I'm enjoying the break from school and work.
The surgery itself was an experience I will never forget. I don't think I have ever felt so vulnerable and alone. As I waited, each nurse and administrator along the way asked if I had any family with me. Each time I had to say no. But I was also able to say that I had a friend picking me up when it was over. My friend, Sarah, has been great through all this. She gave up her day to come take me home, and she's been coming by the house to help me out each day since. My roomate, Joel, has also been great. He has to work in the afternoons, but he spends every morning making sure I have eaten and have everything I need. Still, the time at the hospital felt very lonely because I was so far from my family.
It was also a terribly humbling exerience. They laid me down on a gurney with no clothes on other than a hospital gown and a blanket. They stretched out my arms crucifixion style, with an IV in one arm and a heart rate monitor on the other. Then they set the blanket to the side and a man, with a beard that can only be described as a pirate beard, proceeded to shave my leg. I have never before felt so vulnerable. Naked, arms outstretched, with a man shaving my leg.
On a more positive note, they gave me a machine that water cools my leg and a giant brace that runs the length of my leg. I feel like a robot. In honor of this I have decided to name my new tendon, since it is from someone else's body after all. I'm sticking with the robot theme and naming it after Robocop's partner Lewis. This way instead of refering to my self as "I" I can refer to myself as "we." by refering to myself as a plural entity We think this whole thing will be much more fun.

The Eviction of Sacramento's Homeless

This morning I am supposed to be working on my theology homework. It is about the doctrine of election. Yesterday I cared about this topic. Today I don’t. I want to. I know it is important, and I need to get my homework done, but there is something more important on my mind. This morning I read an article in the LA Times about Sacramento’s tent city. If you haven’t heard about this, read the article here. This is front page news and because of that the city has decided to shut the tent city down. It has been open for about a year and the living conditions are terrible. The article was striking to me because this tent city is reminiscent of the hoovervilles of the depression. The people here are not all the stereotypical homeless.



Many are recession victims, people who wouldn’t normally be homeless, but are now homeless because of the economic situation. The city has ignored this problem for a year as far as I know, and now they are set to close the tent city by the end of April. Some might say this is a feasible solution. I’m not sure. Won’t shutting down the area simply relocate the homeless? I don’t have all the answers, but I know that the recent rise in homelessness is a symptom of a much greater problem. I am at a loss as to what the right response is, but I realized today that relocation can’t be it.

I came to this realization because of a bus stop bench.

This morning I went to Starbucks to get my aforementioned homework done and I passed by the same bus stop bench that I always pass by. On most days this bench is occupied by a particular homeless man. I will admit that I do not know his name, and have not spoken to him much. We have only shared a passing hello, but he always seems to be there. This morning he was not there, but I still took particular notice of the bench. I noticed it because for a while it has had a clothing advertisement on the side that shows a woman who is barely clothed. Now this is a pet peeve of mine for reasons that are completely unrelated to this story, but come on it’s a clothing advertisement, she should probably be clothed. So I passed by the empty bench and found myself annoyed with the sign. I worked in Starbucks for several hours, but as I took a break I read the article in the LA Times about Sacramento’s tent city. My heart burned and I was completely distracted from my work.



On a side note, is God speaking to me supposed to feel like ADHD?

I don’t know, but I do think God has been speaking to me today. I walk out of Starbucks and the bench is GONE. It’s as if it were never there. I look around in disbelief and I see the usual homeless resident of the bench across the street at another bench. He has several friends with him who also look homeless. Everything suddenly falls into place for me. I don’t know this man’s name or why he is homeless. I don’t know if he needs help, because that is not an easy thing to ask a stranger. But I do know he is not going anywhere. I don’t know why the city of Pasadena would remove a bus stop bench, but I know that the result was the simple relocation of a man, and he didn’t go far. It’s almost impressive how quickly this bench was removed. It was there at nine, and was gone at eleven-thirty. If Sacramento removes this tent city, it must have an answer for how it will help these people. Otherwise upwards of two hundred people will simply relocate, and they won’t go far.



I doubt very many people will read this post as it is kind of long, but if you are reading this… yes I am aware of my failure to understand or handle this situation. I don’t have any answers for the homeless recession victims whom I am sure God loves. While I live the American dream, they live the American nightmare. I don’t know what the city of Sacramento should do with the people of the tent city anymore than I know what LA should do for the people in Skid Row, but something must be done. I know that I cannot say that someone else will do it. If God is speaking to me about this, it’s for a reason. I still probably need to be able to understand theological concepts like election if I ever want to graduate, but I would rather know people whom God loves. I also know that as I write this it is glaringly obvious that I do not know the name of the man that I see several times a week in the same place. I should probably remedy that. There are as many as 80,000 homeless people in LA County. What do I do with that? I don’t know, but I know where one of them will be.

Operation Fresh Water Fundraiser

Today I had the privilege of joining my friends Isaac and Drew on a short trip to Western Christian High School in West Covina. The school is only a few blocks away from Life Pacific, and Isaac has a connection with one of the teachers there. We were invited to the chapel and Isaac was able to tell his story to the students of Western. Isaac is a Kenyan who came to California to go to Bible College. He has begun a project that is his opportunity to give back to the community he came from. The town of Burlagate, Kenya is in need of a sustainable water source since they are outside of the provision of the municipal water supply in Nanyuki, Kenya. Isaac is raising funds to drill a well in Burlagate. This is a difficult project because there are not other non-profit companies that drill in Kenya. Generally speaking, Kenya has a sufficient water supply. Since this particular community is in need and no one else can drill this well, the costs are much higher than in other countries. Still Isaac has been pursuing this goal for some time, and every dollar counts. Today we sold water bottles with custom labels on them. For every bottle sold, 100% of the profit goes to drill this borehole. If you are interested in any more details you can check out his website. This project needs your support and I have greatly enjoyed working with Isaac. Contact him if you have any creative ideas or would like to be involved. I plan on posting any updates whenever Operation Fresh Water organizes any more fundraisers.

What kind of man am I?

I was reading a story for my pastoral ministry class the other day and it became something more than just interesting concepts or practical insights. God spoke to me. He spoke to me about what kind of man I want to be. What kind of man he wants me to be.
The story was written by a pastor named, Robertson McQuilkin. He used to be the president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary in South Carolina. He left the college after his wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He left so that he could take care of her. The article was about his choice between ministry and his family. In the end he concluded that it wasn’t much of a choice because the college needed more than a part-time distracted leader and he had made a vow to his wife. Even though it was probably very difficult to care for a woman who no longer understood who he was or who she was, he called taking care of her a delight. He said that he did not have to take care of her… he got to take care of her. As her mind began to fade she still knew that she loved him and she lived in happy oblivion to everything else.
As I read the article I put myself first in McQuilkin’s place and then in his wife’s place. I concluded that I want to be the kind of man that gets to take care of his wife when she can’t take care of herself. It is not that I would ever desire such a difficult situation, but if it ever came, I want to know that I would do what is right, and I would love that way. I think I would. That’s where God was speaking to me. I’ve often thought about marriage, even though I rarely admit it. Usually my conclusion is that I need to stop looking for a wife and focus on being a man worth marrying. As I read this story, I began to realize that even though I have much farther to go, I am beginning to become that man. I realized that I could love this way, not because I’m good enough, but because God has done something in me. He has changed me. He is continuing to change me and I am sure I have a lot to deal with before I am ready for marriage, but I have definitely changed. I also put myself in the place of the author’s wife. I can’t imagine the feelings of helplessness that would come with this kind of illness. I want to know that whoever I marry would stand by me if something like this ever happened. Unfortunately, I have no idea where this woman is. I don’t think I can go looking for her though. I realize that the willingness to love unconditionally isn’t simply a trait I need to look for in a woman, it’s something I need to live out. I need to be able to love unconditionally.
That is what struck me so hard when I was reading this story. The author loved his wife unconditionally. I know that’s something that seems obvious and we all act like it’s what we mean when we say, “I do.” But I don’t know if we understand the implications of something like this. She was no longer anything she was when he married her. He had to watch his wife slowly die. She was no longer the vibrant, creative, articulate person he knew and loved. So am I looking for a vibrant, creative, articulate woman, or am I looking to be a loving and committed man?

The "Day Off" is a "Bastard Sabbath"

For most people, a day off is nothing more than a day to rest so that one is more efficient during the rest of the week. Eugene Peterson in his book, Working the Angles, calls this day off a “bastard Sabbath.” It is a twisted misrepresentation of the gift that is the Sabbath. The Sabbath is intended to be more than a pragmatic rest to improve efficiency.
The Sabbath is a gift from God, but we have to accept it. On my Sabbath I want to rest, but more than that, I want to regain my rhythm. As an awkward white guy, I have no musical rhythm and everyone knows it. Still, life has a rhythm to it, even mine. For most of us it is a fast rhythm. On the Sabbath we slow down and our hearts and lives move in rhythm of God’s work in the world. God’s rhythm, in contrast to our culture and the sub-culture of the American church, is not a fast rhythm. Maybe it shouldn’t be described as slow, but it I would say it seems more deliberate. My life doesn’t feel very deliberate most days. It feels rushed and hectic. So I want a day off. I want to rest so that my body has energy to accomplish all the things I ask of it during the week. But I don’t get to have that sort of day off. Instead of resting so that I am more efficient, I need to choose to kill the rhythm of my life and adopt God’s rhythm at least once a week. I don’t know how to do this yet…

A Reflection on Recent Events at Pasadena Foursquare

At Pasadena Foursquare Church this Sunday, my pastor Ralph Torres began his sermon by retelling the story of Rosa Parks and the events that sparked the civil rights movement. This story was not an attempt to connect the sermon with current holidays, February being Black History Month, but rather it was birthed out of the life of our church. On the Wednesday prior to this Sunday, our church installed new elders. One of the elders was not able to be there on time, and missed the ceremony. Our church is diverse as the city we are in, Pasadena. This particular church elder was a black woman. Pastor Ralph at the end of the installation service told the story of Rosa Parks and then redid the installation service in its entirety for our elder who was late. His point was that the world has told some of us that we are worth less than others. In the life of the church this is not true. The late elder, regardless of race, was as important as every other elder who was able to be there for the ceremony. The impact of this impromptu speech on Wednesday carried over into Sunday and on Sunday Pastor Ralph made the point that our theology must penetrate and change our lives and our community. It is not enough to believe that all people are created in the image of God; we must show people that they are created in God’s image.

The first thing I can take from this Sunday’s sermon is a leadership principle. Sermons do not come from a vacuum of thought. They are not intended to simple be inspirational or concerned with clarifying doctrine. Even when sermons do accomplish those things that is not the priority. The sermon must have purpose and context. The purpose and context come from the life of the church. If the sermon has no meaning to the people who are hearing it, then it should not be said.

The second and equally important application I found for myself is to be sure that my theology affects lives. I have learned a great deal of information at Life Pacific College, and I love studying the Bible. But if my education ends and my life has not changed, there will not have been a point to my studies. Our beliefs about God should change not only us, but everyone we come into contact with.

Beautiful Tensions Part 2

So I wrote an entry a while back entitled "Beautiful Tensions." It was about the fact that we don't have all the answers about God, but we know some things. I tried to deal with suffering a little bit, since it seems to be that God is good, yet people suffer. I concluded that this is difficult for me emotionally, but the difficult of trying to hold those things in tension is what makes God beautiful. If God made sense would we be able to legitimately believe?
In the past week I seem to have come across another beautiful tension. In my theology class we are addressing Christology and we are trying to deal with what it means for Jesus to be fully human and fully divine. The incarnation (Jesus, who is God coming to earth in human form) is a difficult thing to deal with. It doesn't make a lot of sense. There are some theories that try to explain it, but as Charles Lee like to say, "At the end of the day..." they just don't work. Jesus doesn't make sense. Jesus, the Christ, is both fully human and fully divine. He is God, yet he is also human. Honestly I don't feel like that is a good enough explanation. It is illogical. It is unreasonable. It is irrational. It cannot be explained. And that's what make it true. I'm at Bible college trying to find answers. I want to be sure about what I believe, especially if I'm going to presume to be able to teach this stuff to others. But in this situation I have found two truths, and I don't know how to make them make sense. Jesus is human and Jesus is God. All I can do is hold these two truths in a delicate tension and worship God for how beautiful he is.

Body found frozen in ice with feet sticking out like popsicle sticks

I saw this picture on a blog about homelessness a few days ago and it wont seem to leave me. I'm sorry if my posting this bothers you. It's a tough picture to look at. But honestly, no one is going to read my blog. I'm not posting for the millions of readers out there, I'm just dealing with this stuff.
Anyway, this body was found in Detroit. The guy was probably homeless and had probably been there a while. No one seems to care. No one is talking about it. Its not getting headlines. The only reason anyone cared about this body is that the state of it is ridiculous. In case this post isnt making sense, you can read the full article, but this body was found frozen in ice with his feet sticking up like a popsicle. I am not sure how I am supposed to feel about this. Is compassion the right response? Anger? Frustration? Indifference? Sorry for the nonsensical post. it is what it is.

Beautiful Tensions

This New Year's Eve among all the fun, I found myself in an interesting conversation. One of my friends had some interesting questions about God. None of us really had any answers, but it we came to a place where we could all marvel at God’s beauty. We had trouble coming to conclusions because every answer ignored something we knew to be true about God. For instance one of us was concerned about where evil could come from if God is good. Christians believe that God is a benevolent, omnipotent creator. Since God created everything, and the reality of the existence of evil is undeniable, we must conclude that God created evil. If God created evil how could he be good? If God did not create evil, then evil created itself, and evil must be God. We came to agree that evil must not be a thing to be created, but rather an expression used to describe certain choices. Still these choices bring about suffering. When we make an evil choice, we cause suffering, but what should we say about seemingly random suffering? Is it sent by God?

Israel’s worship reflected an understanding of God’s goodness despite the suffering they had experienced. They understood that God was their deliverer and that he loved them (Psalm 109:21). The author of Lamentations says that both good and calamity come from God, but that God is good to those whose hope is in him (Lamentations 3:25-38). Can it be true that suffering could come from God? The death of Jesus had a greater purpose, but it required him to suffer. The suffering that Jesus endured was not deserved by him, but it served God’s greater purpose. God used Christ’s death to atone for all who would place their faith in Him (Romans 3:25-26). Sometimes God is the source of suffering, often he is not, but it seems he always has a purpose. While this is not always a comfort, we can rejoice in suffering because of the hope we have in God (Romans 5:3).

This conclusion requires us to hold two truths in a delicate tension. God is the source of some of our suffering, yet he is good. We can speculate all we want on what this might mean, but if we use these two truths as our boundaries, our conclusions remain true to the biblical witness.

Our goal in the discussion was not to come to an orthodox conclusion necessarily. We didn’t even presume to think we could propose any satisfactory answers, but when we came to the conclusion that the answer required us to hold a delicate tension we could only marvel at the beauty of God. We couldn’t find God in the orthodox and logical answer, but we found him in the beautiful tensions of truth.

Bass Pro Shops are a monument to death and consumerism

So on my first night back in Manteca, Cameron and I went to the new Bass Pro Shops. I don't really know why. I guess we felt we had nothing better to do, and I had not been there because it was still being built when I left. I Knew this place was big and I expected a certain level of ridiculousness, but I was not prepared for what I encountered. Bass Pro Shops is a monument to death. There were animals everywhere. They were stuffed, but they were not cuddly. Naturally we took a few pictures. I have never seen such a crazy store before. It could only be described as hicktastic, and I'm not far from being a bit of a hick myself. This place is a cross of redneck culture and consumer culture, and it represents all that is America.

After going to the Bass Pro Shops, we went to visit a particular house that has for some reason become a tradition for Cameron and I to visit at Christmas. This place is the most heavily decorated house in Manteca. There are lights everywhere. Their electrical bill must be insane. Until seeing the monument of death and debt that is Bass Pro Shops I thought this house was the most startling symbol of waste in Manteca. The time and energy put into the decorating of this house could power the entire town. And if thousands of lights were not enough, the homeowners politely remind the city to "Keep the Christ in Christmas" and that God blesses America.

All in all, I have missed my hometown. The place is crazy, but its home. Things have changed a bit, and I'm sure things will continue to change, but somehow it still feels like Christmas. Check out the pictures from tonight for a quick laugh.

Bass Pro Shops