“Why didn’t you say teaching?” Pastor Ralph asked me. I mumbled something about having considered it, but not being sure. I realized afterward that while that was true, the real reason was that it scares me.
I took a spiritual gifts class at my church this week. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Pentecostal side of Christianity, we believe that God gives everyone spiritual gifts for the benefit of the church. He might give someone the gift of prophecy or teaching or administration. It doesn’t have to be anything hyper-spiritual or anything like that, it is just part of the way we serve each other.
Honestly though, I’m not very Pentecostal. Church history can be an embarrassing thing and Pentecostal history is embarrassingly anti-intellectual. I also tend to be uncomfortable with spirituality. It is odd because so many people in my generation claim to be “spiritual, but not religious.” For a Christian, I am neither. I am, as anyone reading this would know, a Christian, but I’m not very religious. And most days I am not very comfortable with spirituality. I am simply a very rational person. I have encountered a real God, who loves me and I want to be obedient to him. That doesn’t mean I am going to suddenly be weird.
Thankfully, my spiritual gifts aren’t particularly weird. I would not be comfortable with something like prophecy. It always sounds so hyper-spiritual. My most obvious spiritual gift is administration. I want things to be organized because I can see that that helps people serve God and minister to each other. I might also have the gift of words of wisdom. Which sounds weird, but I think I am ok with it. I am very rational, but I have learned that true wisdom comes from obedience to God. I’m still learning this.
But as we discussed what we thought our spiritual gifts might be, I left out teaching. I don’t think I did it consciously; I just didn’t bring it up. So when Pastor Ralph asked why I didn’t say it, I didn’t really know what to say. I’ve been going back and forth on this whole teaching thing for months in terms of a career move, but that’s a much bigger deal than acknowledging a gift for teaching. I think I do have the gift of teaching. I care about the why and how of everything we do, and I want to explain that to those around me. I don’t know what I am going to do about school and this whole career thing, but I think I will always teach in one way or another. Right now I just don’t feel like I know very much. I can be organized and administrative, but wisdom and teaching both feel a little scary.
2 comments:
I really identify with you about being not being spiritual, or religious. Christianity is really a rational thing for me as well. It makes it hard sometimes to connect or identify with people who seem to always have deep spiritual experiences, especially in a pentecostal environment. I really liked reading, "I have encountered a real God, who loves me and I want to be obedient to him. That doesn’t mean I am going to suddenly be weird." Couldn't have said it better myself. :)
Its funny because Leif and I talk about this often. Leif and I are so different when it comes to our personal walks with God. I guess I am very comfortable with spirituality and in a way I'm "religious". While, I think that approaching Christianity with intelligence is so important but that's not the way I experience God. I experience Him on a more spiritual level.
In the beginning I struggled with the fact that Leif didn't raise his hands or get excited in the way that I did... But I'm learning that there are different ways to experience and serve God. Thanks for posting this Daren!
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